also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Threesome in a minivan. New low
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
