Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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