I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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