you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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