I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They took my balls.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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