I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
