FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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