Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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