Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize