So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
