in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you had me at cake vodka
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
