So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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