do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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