Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
