so that wasnt chicken after all
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
