drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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