just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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