We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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