I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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