i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize