TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
