He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she looked like the before picture.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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