Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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