I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
