I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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