why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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