this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
