I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
