i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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