remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i will never coherently bang her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
