then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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