i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
