I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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