I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
