I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
