lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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