i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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