I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
