I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
