So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
