my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
