I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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