I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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