FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
