Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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