i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
