It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
