Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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