my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
