My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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