And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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