Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
