i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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