well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
