Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
