a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
