I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
