don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
