the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
