so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
