In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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