bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
