dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
