I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
