A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't just leave with hair like that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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