I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
