i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize