Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
