I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
