I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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