Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize