I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize