Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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