I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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