Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
