all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize