Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
