If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
