Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
