Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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