And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
