I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
