I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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