I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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