and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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