Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Are my feet made of real feet?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
