im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
People in love make me want to vomit
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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