He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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