Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
