Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
