You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
