I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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