Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
